I was a devoted Christian leader…until I got married, and the one place that seemed furthest from God’s hope and power was my relationship with my husband.

The merry-go-round in my head went something like this:

“My husband is so immature.”

“He’s such a bad father.”

“Why do I have to lead us spiritually?”

“Why won’t he get off the couch and help me?”

“Why doesn’t he love me?”

“Why did You send me this broken, immature man?!”

Can you relate?

We were such good friends and following Jesus was our number one priority in life. But none of that seemed to matter when he rejected me, yelled at our son, or couldn’t handle me sharing a different opinion.

He told me he hated being married to me and I could not figure out how to respect someone who wasn’t respectable. We would never divorce, and rather than helping each other thrive in our life with God, I settled for surviving. The air in our home became loud, tense, and emotionally exhausting. I felt undesired, overwhelmed by our relationship issues, and powerless to do anything about it. 

I cried out to God one night and simultaneously googled one of the many issues we were having: “What if my husband isn’t attracted to me?” God met me in that Google search and sent me the Six Intimacy Skills and a community of sisters who held my hand as I held my breath and hoped beyond hope that our relationship could be redeemed.

Just a couple of weeks into practicing these skills, my husband started opening up to me again and looking me in the eye. I remember when he came and found me just to see how I was and kiss me on the forehead. I remember when I heard him all the way out and thought, “Wow, he’s really wise.” 

After years of trying to get my husband to see how he should change, I let go and began to focus on how I could change. I saw the tremendous influence I had: when I interacted with my husband differently, I got a different husband. That was the beginning of healing and a whole new marriage.

If you feel rejected, resentful, and dissatisfied, I’m so glad you’re here. I know what that’s like. And now I know what it’s like to feel desired, supported, intimate, and deeply grateful to be married to my husband. It’s not the right chemistry, it’s not rocket science, it’s just a set of skills that no one taught me. Now that I’ve learned them, I can’t stop from sharing them with brave women who know marriage was intended to be very good.

If you wonder if things could be different, if things could be even really wonderful in your marriage, I would love to have a conversation.