If your husband isn't attracted to you, try this

Your husband's lack of attraction to you probably has less to do with how you look and more to do with...(wait for it)...

Your lack of attraction to him.

Huh?

What are you talking about, Sage? I'm attracted to my husband and what does that matter anyway!?

Let me tell you. The way you see your husband, which will then determine the way you treat your husband, has a direct effect on his attraction to you.

How do I know that? Because my husband told me two weeks into our marriage that he'd lost all attraction to me and I tried for five years to become "attractive". Physically.  And then I stopped doing that and learned what to do instead and my  husband's attraction came back. Big time:).

It  all started one night when I typed it into google, this problem that  seemed out of my control. And up popped Laura Doyle. And a blog in which she talked about the greatest killer of attraction for men: disrespect. 

But...I did respect my husband!

I used to tell him this often...Usually when I was in desperate need of his time, attention, affection...or maybe just a look in the eye!? He'd give me some kind of confusing information about not feeling respected by me. Thus, my mantra: "I do respect you!"

I'd list off the ways I respected him. 

But I remember the feeling. I really was digging. Because truth be told, I didn't respect him. He'd proven I couldn't in nearly every area of life.

And there was nothing I could do about that.  I couldn't force myself to feel respect for someone who was not respectable. 

It felt so deeply hopeless. Here we were, in a loveless marriage, the man didn't love the woman and the woman didn't respect the man. Those were the facts. At that time, I had no idea that one had anything to do with the other.

I had no idea that the fact that I didn't respect Samuel had everything to do with me not feeling loved. I had no idea that Samuel not feeling respected had everything to do with him not loving me.

And Laura was saying that thing, about me, had everything to do with our problem. Actually, I wasn't attracted to my husband.

To  his way of parenting. To his way of seeing God and the world. To his  way of communicating. To his jokes. To his past-times. To the way he  communicated with my mama!! I wasn't attracted. Wasn't impressed. Felt down-right superior. I felt nearly no respect for him.

But...what could I do about it? I couldn't just snap my fingers and make myself feel differently...

With coaching I saw that I had much more power than I thought over my perspective, which determined how I treated him, which had a direct effect on his attraction to me.

If  you'd like help with this, if you want to feel desired and adored, I'd  love to support you.